i love my life

So many people aren't happy. People in nice, solid relationships that seem to have it all together. And secretly, they're jealous of the guy who just divorced his wife and moved into an apartment with nothing but a bed and flat-screened tv. People overwhelmed with their own success, drowning in material possessions and walking through life doing what they are supposed to do instead of what fulfills them, feeds their spirit. Taking life too seriously. I dream of walking away, leaving everything, not looking back, starting over, he said.

And that's what he needs. Forget marriage counseling and psychiatrists and separate holidays. Life's too short to waste time trying to convince yourself that happiness isn't necessary. That if you're able to exist without going utterly insane, that's enough. I feel so lucky, it was so easy, but so many people are scared to do it. I guess it was hard, but it was so necessary for me that I really didn't have a choice.

I told my psychologist about what you did, walking away from everything, and she says you are a very brave strong girl, she said. No, it was easy. And now I never have to be one of those people. It's so wonderful. Never have to act happy, act satisfied, act loving and caring about someone I can't really stand being around. Never have to feel his touch and try to convince myself that it's not that bad, close my eyes so he doesn't see the disgust. I never could hide my feelings. Turn off the lights and get it over with. Or drink a bottle of wine to conjure up that lust that should come naturally, effortlessly.

Because they say that it's work, that it's hard work to make a relationship work, but it shouldn't be. I bought into that for far too long. It shouldn't be that hard. It should be compromise, yes, but not changing, giving in until you forget what it feels like to be you. It should be easy. Love is easy. Happiness is easy. The rest is a lie.

And now he says, I love my life. I love being me. And he means it. It sounds silly to say out loud, but it's the most wonderful thing you could say really. And I feel it too. I love my life. No, everything's not perfect, far from really, I don't even have a living room couch or dining table and my checkbook's close to overdrawn. People would not be jealous of me. But I love being me. I love my life. It's even better because I know what it's like to be on the right track, doing what you should do, the whole college, job, homeowner, married track, and I know how wrong it was. So I'm free. I'm potential. I'm whatever the hell I want. And I'll never get caught in the trap again, I'll make sure of that. And he's right, it just doesn't get any better than this. except, it's getting better every day.