come back

if i was sure before then now i am utterly convinced. yesterday, i just felt all day so overwhelmed by how much i love him. all i could do was think about him, smile. i felt like a teenager crushing madly, or that first love before everything crashes. maybe it is too soon, maybe i do need time alone, really alone, but so what. here he is and he is perfect and so what if it seems unlikely, or too much coincidence or what. maybe i wasn't as honest with myself in the beginning. maybe it was him. maybe he was special enough to pull me out of the quicksand, or make me pull myself out. maybe it was him since the beginning. so why should i struggle against it? i shouldn't and i won't. i'm so happy. i miss him, but it's bearable because i believe he's going to come back.