ready

I've always wanted someone to love me like this, he said. and i think he means freely, honestly, openly. not holding back pieces so you have something whole left at the end, for yourself. for that implies doubt, and there's no room for doubt in love. i refuse to do that. let fear hold me back. extravagantly. that's how i want to love. i'd only heard that word used to describe spending habits, wild parties. never love. when i first heard it i almost cried. he was a priest. talking about how cruel humans can be. love extravagantly, he said, and leave the rest to god. that's all you have to do. it's so exactly how i want to live. without fear, without selfishness, without pretensions. you need to go all the way, eric said today. just jump off the ledge, you can't go after love half-heartedly. he said, i'm ready for everything, bring it on. and that's love. overwhelming, drowning, consuming. i'm ready for everything.